Coming Down
by Brandywine421
Summary: PG-13 for language-What would have happened if Ryan's mother took him home? Replaced Chapter 3 for formatting reasons
1. Default Chapter

****

Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters or the premise behind "The O.C."

AN: This is just a little something I started after I saw the 2nd episode of "The O.C." with the spoilers for the reappearance of Ryan's mother. It's AU after "The Model Home" since it doesn't gel with the new eppies. Let me know if I should continue, I just wanted to post it here to see what people thought. Review if you like it, review if you don't, or don't review if you don't feel like it. This was just to purge my mind of Ryan's sad, blue eyes. 

"…Why do you always find me in the places when I'm coming down…"  
--3EB

Ryan Atwood is lost again. The past few weeks have been dramatic to say the least, but he managed to keep his emotions in check. First, he was arrested when his brother convinced him to help steal a car. His mother, irate at his arrest, kicked him out. He was taken in by his public defender, Sandy Cohen, who kindly gave him a place to stay when he found out that his mother had left town. Ryan panicked and ran away to avoid foster care and was arrested again after the place where he was hiding burned down. Sandy and Kirsten had located his mother and she had accepted him back into her 'home'. 

Ryan sits in the unlit apartment, listening to the rats explore the wall. After several days of his mother's company, she had made up with an old boyfriend who promptly beat Ryan into unconsciousness and skipped town with her. He's been in this empty apartment for three days. The power was turned off the night before and after his misadventure with candles during his runaway from the Cohens, he doesn't want to try it again here. 

He doesn't know what he is going to do. All he has left are the clothes on his back and a change of clothes. He has no money, no food, and no family left to turn to. He doesn't want to call the Cohens for help, they've already done more than his own family ever did for him.

Ryan slowly gets to his feet, cradling his injured arm against his bruised side. He's supposed to call Seth tonight to check in. He has just enough money for the payphone. He pulls his bag over his shoulder and prepares to leave the apartment for the last time. He can't stay here anymore. He has to move on. 

Ryan sets his bag down by the payphone and dials the Cohen's number. 

"Cohen residence?"

"Mrs. Cohen?" Ryan asks, his voice hoarse from disuse.

"Ryan? How are you?"

"Fine. I promised Seth that I'd call him tonight…" Ryan answers.

"Where are you calling from, this isn't the number you gave us…" Kirsten asks, looking at the caller i.d.

"I'm at a payphone…"

"Is everything okay?"

"Fine, it's fine. Is Seth home?"

Mrs. Cohen senses something in the teenager's voice. "Hold on and I'll get him…" She finds her son sitting beside her husband in the den. "Seth? It's Ryan…"

Seth takes the phone and disappears. "Ryan?"

"Hey, Seth…"

"I tried to call your house today and they said the number had been disconnected. What's going on?" Seth asks, worried about the lack of contact from his friend.

Ryan hesitates. "I guess Mom forgot to pay the bill…"

"What's up, Ryan?"

"I was just checking in. I won't be able to call for a while…"

"Why? What aren't you telling me, Ryan? Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, it's fine, but I think we're going to be moving…"

"Where?"

"I don't know yet," Ryan replies.

"How can you not know where you're moving to? Ryan…"

"I don't know, Seth…I just won't be able to call for a while…"

"Did she leave again, Ryan?"

"No…" Ryan is struggling to think of an excuse.

"Ryan."

"Seth, it's cool. Everything's fine…"

"You swear? Swear to me, Ryan…"

"Everything's fine."

"Why don't I believe you?" Seth asks, knowing that something is wrong now by Ryan's evasive answers.

"Seth. I'll give you a call as soon as I'm settled in somewhere…"

"Where are you going to go, Ryan?"

Ryan sighs. "I don't know."

"But your mom…she left again, didn't she?"

"Yeah, Seth. She's gone," Ryan admits.

"Damn, Ryan. Damn…let me go tell my dad…"

"No. Seth, I can't go into foster care, I won't. I'll be fine…"

"But what are you going to do?" Seth whispers, his father walking by his bedroom.

"I'll figure something out, Seth."

"When did she leave? What happened?" Seth asks, worried.

"A couple of days ago. I stayed in the apartment until they turned the power off. I'm going to see if I can crash at a shelter or something tonight…"

"Let me ask Mom if you can stay over, like a sleepover or something…" Seth suggests.

"You know they'd ask too many questions, Seth, just let it go. I'll be fine…" Ryan sighs.

"Ryan. Have you ever seen those shelters? You really think you'll be okay there?"

Sandy is standing outside Seth's door, his attention caught by his son's words.

"I don't know what else to do, Seth. Your dad will put me in a group home somewhere and I…I've been there before and I refuse to go back. I'd rather try it on my on…I'm sure I can lie and get a job somewhere as soon as I get better…" Ryan says, exhausted. He leans heavily against the payphone.

"Better, Ryan? What do you mean when you get better?" Seth asks, alarmed.

"It's nothing, I just got…I got into a fight. I'm sure I can get something in construction, I just need to let my arm heal so I can use it…"

"You can't use your arm?"

"It's just a sprain, Seth, stop worrying so much…" Ryan scolds.

"What do you expect me to do? You tell me your mom left again and that you're hurt?" Seth replies. He turns around and finds his worried father standing in the entrance to his room.

"I don't want you to worry, Seth. I'll call you as soon as I get settled somewhere, okay?"

"Ryan, wait…" Seth starts, but his father takes the phone away.

"I'll call you in a few days," Ryan starts.

"Ryan?" Sandy asks, speaking into the phone.

"Damn…" Ryan curses.

"I overheard Seth on the phone. You want to tell me what's going on or do I have to grill Seth for the information?" Sandy asks, patiently.

"Nothing's going on, Mr. Cohen…Seth just got a little worried when he found out that my mom didn't pay the phone bill so our phone's disconnected…" Ryan lies.

"Ryan. Don't lie to me."

"I'm not…" Ryan sighs, frustrated.

"Did your mom leave, Ryan?"

"Look, Mr. Cohen, I have to go. Tell Seth that I'll call him in a few days. Don't worry about me, I'm fine…" Ryan hangs up, stopping all discussion. He's out of change and is ready to move on. He ignores the ringing payphone as he limps down the street.

Sandy turns around, hanging up the phone.

"Dad, why did you do that?" Seth asks, coldly. "You should know that he's not going to ask you for help, you tried to shove him into a foster home last time. I could've found out where he was, I could've…"

"What did he say, Seth?" Sandy asks, seriously.

"He's fine," Seth replies.

"I heard you, Seth. Did his mom leave again?"

"Why are you asking me if you already know?" Seth retorts. 

"Seth. This is serious. You know how serious this is. Seth?" Sandy is stern.

"His mother left a few days ago. He says he's going to try and crash tonight in a shelter. He thinks he can get a job working construction but…he said he's hurt, Dad. He said he got into a fight and that he can't use his arm. How is he going to get a job like that?"

Sandy is torn. "Let me talk to your mother."

"Dad. He sounded…he didn't sound like himself…" Seth sighs. 

"Let me talk to your mother and then we'll call the shelters. We'll find him, Seth…" Sandy says, leaving with a concerned look on his face. 

Seth picks up the phone and calls his neighbor, Marissa. He was never friends with her in the past but they bonded over Ryan's friendship. She cares about Ryan a lot and Seth knows that she will help him find Ryan.

"Mrs. Cooper? Can I speak to Marissa?"

"This is Marissa. Who's this?" Marissa answers, curious.

"Marissa, its Seth."

"Seth? Is everything okay?"

"Not really. When's the last time you talked to Ryan?"

"He called, like, a week ago, why, what's going on?"

"His mom left again and he's…he's not thinking straight."

"Where is he?"

"He called me from a payphone, he wasn't even going to tell me, I had to make him tell me."

"But you don't know where he is?"

"I know where the apartment that he just deserted is…"

"Meet me in the driveway."

"What?"

"Well, we have to find him, right?"

"Oh. Okay."

""We'll find him, Seth. We have to."

***

Seth sneaks out of the house and meets Marissa in the driveway. They drive around Chino, looking for signs of Ryan until 2am to no avail. When Seth gets home, his father has had no luck from his phone calls to the shelters. Kirsten convinces Sandy not to call the police because they realize that Ryan will only be further discouraged by their involvement.

Marissa and Seth continue their search for the next few days, but there is no sign of Ryan.

Ryan has joined up with several other homeless kids on the streets. They have nothing to steal from each other, but they share shelter and whatever scarce food they may find. Many of the girls make money prostituting themselves and Ryan is a 'watcher' for them, standing by in case someone gets violent with them. A week after his initial call to Seth, he decides to call his friend again to ease the neurotic teenager's mind.

Ryan is tired and dirty. He's only had sink baths since leaving his abandoned apartment. Hunger has become a constant companion for him, reminding him that he is still alive. Ryan carries his bag from the abandoned warehouse where he has been sleeping for the past week and walks to a payphone.

He dials the number and crosses his fingers that Seth will answer. 

"Cohen residence?"

"Can I speak to Seth?" Ryan asks, recognizing the housekeeper's voice. 

"Hold please…"

Ryan lights a cigarette, stolen from a local store, and inhales deeply. Cigarettes are his only pleasure these days.

"Hello?"

"Hey, man."

"Where the hell are you, Ryan?" Seth snaps, immediately.

"Seth, what's up?" Ryan sighs.

"I've been looking for you for days, man…"

"I told you that I'm okay…"

"Ryan, shut the hell up and tell me where you are. I'm serious. Marissa and I are worried as hell…"

"You told Marissa? What are you thinking, man?"

"I'm thinking that my best friend is living on the streets because he's too stubborn to tell me where he is," Seth responds. 

"Listen, Seth, I appreciate your concern…"

"Are you okay, Ryan? Really?"

"Yeah. I'm fine. I'm totally and completely okay. Okay?"

"I don't believe you. How's your arm?"

"Fine. It doesn't even hurt anymore."

"So you got a construction job?"

"No…listen, Seth, I just wanted to tell you that I'm alright. I knew you'd be worried…"

"Ryan. Don't freak out or anything, but I'm really worried about you. Tell me where you are so Marissa and I can come by and see you."

Ryan hesitates. He is in no condition to be seen by Seth or Marissa. 

"You don't want us to see you?" Seth asks. "Ryan?"

"It's not that simple, Seth…"

"Dad didn't call the cops, Ryan. He didn't report you missing. He's worried. He wants you to come here and stay with us," Seth states, hoping that Ryan will relent.

"Seth, look, I'm not his responsibility…" Ryan starts. "I appreciate all that he's done for me but…"

"Ryan, dude, come on. You sound awful…"

"Seth. I don't need a lecture…"

"Yes, you do. Come on, Ryan. Just tell me where you are so I can see for myself that you're okay. Please?"

Ryan hesitates. 

"Ryan?"

"Okay, Seth."

"Do you need anything?"

"No. I'm okay, Seth, I promise."

"I'll get Marissa to bring me over, what's the address?"

"I don't have an address, Seth. Why don't you meet me on the corner of Harris and Anderson? I'll be by the payphone," Ryan agrees, reluctantly. He has never had a friend that was concerned about his well being like Seth. He appreciates the friendship and doesn't want to lose it no matter how fucked up he is right now.

Seth hangs up the phone and goes into the den.

"Who was that, Seth?" Kirsten asks.

Seth hesitates. "Ryan."

"Ryan? Did he tell you where he is? Is he okay?" Kirsten asks, immediately. 

"I'm going to go find out," Seth says, quietly. 

"Where's he staying?" Sandy asks, stepping out from the kitchen.

"I don't think he's staying…anywhere," Seth replies, quietly.

"You want to borrow the car?" Sandy asks, after a beat.

"Sandy?" Kirsten asks, surprised.

"He won't come with me, Kirsten, but he might come with Seth. He's been on the streets for a week, Kirsten…"

"Let's all go. If we go together, and all three of us ask him to come home, maybe…" Kirsten suggests.

"What do you think, Seth?"

"Let me talk to him, first. Let me see if I can talk some sense into him…" Seth suggests. He leaves to call Marissa.

Marissa and Seth pull up to the corner and Seth hops out, glancing around for Ryan.

"Hey," Ryan says, stepping out of the shadows. 

"Hey. You look…rough," Seth replies, embracing him in a stiff hug. 

"Thanks," Ryan smiles slightly. 

"Get in, Ryan," Marissa calls from the window. Ryan climbs inside her parent's s.u.v. and Seth gets into the backseat.

"Hey, Marissa."

"I shouldn't even be talking to you after this stunt. What the hell are you thinking?" Marissa starts once she is driving again.

"Sorry," Ryan replies.

"You look like hell," Marissa says, quietly.

"Don't either of you have anything good to say?" Ryan teases. He is genuinely glad to see his friends.

"No," Seth and Marissa say in unison.

"Where have you been staying?" Marissa asks.

"I hooked up with some kids that crash in this abandoned warehouse back there. It's not so bad. It keeps the rain out," Ryan answers, honestly.

"Can we buy you dinner?" Seth asks.

"I'm fine, but thanks," Ryan answers, quietly.

"When's the last time you ate?" Marissa questions. "You've lost weight. Your eyes are all sunken…"

"I'm okay, Marissa…where are we going?" Ryan asks, suddenly aware of his surroundings.

"My parents are out of town, I thought you could get cleaned up and do some laundry at my house," Marissa replies, innocently.

"Am I being kidnapped?" Ryan asks, leaning back in the seat, resigned. 

"No. You're being rescued," Seth replies. 

"Come on, guys, really…" Ryan protests.

"No pressure. My parents are gone, we can talk without any pesky grown-ups getting in our face and you can get cleaned up. And no matter what you say, I'm going to make you eat something," Marissa says, slowing down to turn into the neighborhood.

"I should have asked before I got into the car," Ryan sighs, frustrated.

"Seth said that you had been in foster care before. What happened to you that would make you live on the street before you'd do it again?" Marissa questions.

"I'm sixteen years old, guys. I'm not going to get adopted. I'm not going to graduate…"

"Why not?" Seth interrupts.

"I'll get moved around to different schools. I'll have to get a job, those foster parents…the ones I had before, they always made the older kids support themselves. I'm better off on my own," Ryan replies, flatly as Marissa pulls up to her house. "Do your parents know I'm here, Seth?"

"No. I told them I was going to meet you, but they don't know that you're here."

"But you want me to talk to them, don't you, Seth? You want me to go crawling to them, begging for charity," Ryan snaps, sarcastically.

"No, Ryan. I want you to realize that you need help," Seth replies, slowly.

"Sorry. I'm just…I'm a little fucked up right now," Ryan apologizes, seeing Seth's stricken expression.

"Let's just chill out, guys," Marissa says.

"Can I really grab a shower?" Ryan asks, suddenly, stepping into Marissa's house. 

"Sure, go ahead."

Ryan willingly accepts the offer. 

Marissa sits down in the kitchen with Seth. "Do you think he'll listen to you?"

"I don't know. Are you going to take him back to that warehouse?" Seth responds.

"Hopefully, I won't have to. I'm expecting to be awed by your persuasive skills."

"Well, my dad is a lawyer," Seth smirks. Marissa smiles.

Ryan scrubs himself until he feels normal again and steps out of the shower. He pulls on his jeans and looks at himself in the mirror. He is thinner. His hair is longer and shaggier and even though he lives in California, his skin is pale. His arm is still swollen and bruised and although he would never admit it to Seth, he thinks that some of his ribs are cracked. He runs his hands through his hair and returns to Seth and Marissa.

They stop talking as he walks into the room. 

"What's up, guys?" Ryan asks, quietly. 

"Why don't you tell us," Marissa replies.

Ryan sighs, sitting down across the table from them. "What do you want to know?"

"What happened to your mom?" Marissa asks, gently.

"She left. A couple of nights ago. She sent me to the store for some cigarettes and when I came back, Harrison, one of her old boyfriends was there. Harrison has never liked me. I woke up and everything was gone."

"You woke up? You mean, the next day?" Seth asks, curiously.

"Nah, I mean, Harrison knocked me out and when I woke up, they were gone. I stayed there until the power got shut off. That's when I called you," Ryan replies, honestly. 

"So, where've you been?" Seth asks.

"I met up with some kids. They stick together, avoiding the cops and social services. The guys, they steal to make money, and the girls, well…they turn tricks."

"What? How old are they?" Marissa gasps.

"The youngest is like, 12, I think. The oldest girl is one of the other's sister, she's sixteen. Since I'm a little out of commission, I was one of the 'watchers'. I follow the girls on their dates and step in if stuff gets violent," Ryan admits. "Those kids…I mean, I know it's wrong, I know it's a shitty way to live, but…"

"You think that's better than a foster home, Ryan? Being a prostitute?" Marissa questions, pale.

"The way they explained it to me, at least turning tricks, they get to choose who's on top of them. Unlike a foster home, where they have no choice. I didn't hear any stories that made me reconsider my decision," Ryan says quietly.

"Foster care isn't an option anymore, Ryan. My parents, they want you to come and stay with us," Seth says.

Ryan is silent. 

"Ryan? You can't go back out there. It's killing you," Marissa says, urgently, taking his hand. 

Ryan still doesn't speak. His mind is working too fast for him to form words. 

"Ryan. Just talk to my Dad. Or my Mom. Let them tell you themselves, so you'll believe it…" Seth starts.

"I believe you, Seth, it's not that…" Ryan sighs.

"Then what is it?" Seth asks.

Marissa squeezes his hand. "Ryan, you're so tired. You look like you haven't slept in days. If the Cohens want to help you, let them help you."

"I…I don't know…" Ryan glances at them both. "I don't know what to do. I've hit rock bottom and…it's like…I keep thinking that it can't get any worse…but it always does…"

"Ryan, why don't you eat something? Relax. God, man, you're stressing us out, here," Marissa says.

"Sorry…" Ryan doesn't smile.

"That was a joke, I think," Seth states.

"Sorry," Ryan replies.

"Will you talk to my parents, Ryan?" Seth asks, quietly.

"I don't have much choice, do I?" Ryan whispers.

"Ryan…" Marissa scolds.

"Sorry. Yes, Seth. I'll talk to them, but I can't make any promises. They're not my family, I'm not their responsibility…" Ryan says, his eyes glazed.

Seth glances at Marissa, worriedly, but leaves to talk to his parents.

"Ryan. Relax, okay? Just relax," Marissa stands up and kneels beside him. "It's okay. It's going to be okay." She is worried because Ryan has started to tremble.

"Can I get something to drink? Something with some alcohol in it?" Ryan asks, quietly. Marissa nods, going into the kitchen.

"Dad?" Seth calls, stepping into his house.

"Seth. You're back already? How's Ryan?" Kirsten asks, immediately. Sandy joins her by the door.

"He's at Marissa's. Her parents are gone so we brought him back here…" Seth's face is tight with concern. "He said he's willing to talk to you guys…"

"You told him that we want him to stay here, Seth?" Sandy asks.

"Yeah, but all I could get him to commit to was to talk to you guys…" Seth replies.

"Is he okay?" Kirsten questions, putting a hand on her son's shoulder.

"I don't know. You…he told us about what he's been doing the last few days…" Seth stammers. "Can you just talk to him?"

Sandy and Kirsten glance at each other. "We'll be over in a few minutes, Seth. Make sure he stays there, okay?"

Seth nods, returning to Marissa's house.

Ryan is sitting on the patio, leaning over with his head in his hands, smoking a cigarette. Marissa has a hand on his back, comforting him. A half-empty bottle of vodka sits between them.

"Everything okay?" Seth asks, concerned.

"He asked for a drink and now…he won't say anything…" Marissa tells Seth, clearly controlling her panic.

"I'm thinking…" Ryan mutters, his eyes still glazed with defeat. The alcohol stopped his shaking, however and steadied his nerves. He knows that he can't last on the street. He doesn't want to live the next two years of his life living in filth and hiding from the police. He doesn't want to be a statistic, even though he already is. 

"Ryan. Look at me. It's going to be okay," Marissa says, soothingly, cupping his chin and making him meet her eyes.

"You promise?" He counters. 

"My parents are coming over to talk to you," Seth states. 

Ryan takes another long pull off the bottle of vodka and hands it back to Marissa. She takes it inside to keep the Cohen's from seeing it. 

"Ryan. Will you stay?" Seth asks.

"I don't know yet. What else am I going to do? I don't have any money. I only have one change of clothes to my name and no skills. What else can I do? Go to a group home? Keep living on a street and digging through dumpsters?" Ryan sighs, lighting a fresh cigarette. "I don't know what to do. I don't know anything anymore…"

Seth is silent, waiting.

"Have you ever been to a foster home, man? What am I talking about, of course not," Ryan starts. "I had to go when I was ten, I was in the system for a year until my Mom got herself together again. You're nothing to those people. I was a kid, a human being, but to them, I was a check. I got shifted around about ten, eleven times and it never got better. I learned to fend for myself, that I had no one that I could depend on except myself. I watched the kids my age take beatings and disappear and I always wanted to go with them wherever they went…now…I just don't know what to do."

"Ryan, my parents…they're good people…they want to help…" Seth starts. He stops as Sandy walks out with Marissa.

"Ryan, we'll be inside," Marissa smiles, reassuringly as she pulls Seth inside her house.

"Ryan," Sandy says, relieved.

"Hey, Mr. Cohen," Ryan replies, glancing up. 

"How are you doing?"

"Well, according to Seth and Marissa, I look like hell," Ryan replies.

"You want to talk about it?" Sandy asks, sitting down in a chair close to Ryan.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Cohen," Ryan whispers. "I just…I didn't know what to do. I don't know what to do."

"Kirsten and I want you to come and stay with us. I'm your lawyer, I can get…what?" Sandy stops, seeing the pained expression on the teenager's face.

Ryan doesn't speak.

"Ryan. You can't live your life this way. You're only sixteen…"

"I know, Mr. Cohen," Ryan replies. He doesn't meet the older man's eyes. "She's not coming back this time."

"What happened? What did she say when she left, Ryan?" Sandy asks, gently.

"She didn't say anything. Her…" Ryan stands up, uncomfortable. "Her boyfriend knocked me out and when I came to, they were just…gone."

Sandy is quiet. "He knocked you out. Did he hurt you? Seth mentioned that your arm…"

"I'm okay," Ryan replies, immediately. 

"Ryan."

"He hurt me, okay? My fucking arm is still sore as hell, it's swollen, but dammit, what am I supposed to do? Go to the hospital with no insurance so they can turn me over to social services? I'd rather die than go back into the system…"

"Okay, Ryan. Okay. Sit down. It's okay. I'm just here to talk to you," Sandy says, calmly.

Ryan runs his hands through his hair, struggling to keep his emotions under control. "I'm just so tired of all this bullshit…I don't know…god…" He sits down again.

"What do you want to do?" Sandy asks after a long pause.

"That's just it, Mr. Cohen. It doesn't matter what I want to do. I'm all out of options. It's like I've hit this brick wall…" Ryan loses his voice. He sighs. "What do you want me to do?"

"I want you to relax. Let us take care of you. You're exhausted. You're stressed out. Come home, we'll get you something to eat and you can get some rest and we'll figure out everything else when you're ready," Sandy says, slowly.

Ryan hesitates.

"Ryan. Where else are you going to go?" Sandy asks, quietly.

Ryan nods slowly. "Where else am I going to go? Okay, Mr. Cohen. Okay."

"Okay?"

"Yeah," Ryan sighs. Seth yells from inside the Cooper house, happy and eavesdropping with Marissa. 

"Let's go. Kirsten is waiting to see you for herself," Sandy smiles, putting a hand on Ryan's shoulder. 

Ryan flinches as he touches his sore arm. Seth and Marissa step outside.

"Give me a call, Ryan, once you get settled in," Marissa says, embracing him before he leaves with Sandy and Seth. 

Ryan follows Sandy into the house, followed closely by Seth.

"I'll go get the pool house ready for you," Seth says, sensing that his mother and father want to talk to Ryan.

"Ryan, thank god you're okay…" Kirsten embraces him. Sandy notices the flash of pain on Ryan's face when Kirsten hugs him.

"I'm okay," Ryan says, quietly. 

"You sure? You don't look okay…" Kirsten glances at Sandy, worriedly. "Let me take a look at you…"

"I'm fine…"

"What about your arm?" Sandy asks, quietly.

"It'll be fine…" Ryan starts, stopping when he sees Sandy's scolding glance. 

"Kirsten used to be a nurse. Just let her take a look," Sandy urges.

Ryan doesn't protest. He takes off his jacket and they can see his damaged arm. 

"Take your shirt off, Ryan. I promise I won't get fresh," Kirsten smiles, trying to calm the boy.

Ryan obeys, silently, pulling off his t-shirt revealing his bruised chest and arm.

"When did this happen?" Kirsten asks, watching him carefully to gauge the amount of pain he's in as she examines him.

"Last week."

"And it's still this swollen?" Kirsten continues.

"Yeah. It's probably just some bruised ribs…"

"Your arm…it might be broken, Ryan," She says, quietly. She takes his good hand and places it on his upper arm. "Feel that? You need to see a doctor."

"Mom?" Seth enters, confused. His face pales, seeing his friend's condition.

"Can it wait until tomorrow? I mean, what's one more day going to hurt?" Ryan asks, quietly, replacing his shirt swiftly.

"Okay, Ryan. We'll let you slide on that one. Why don't you go on down to the pool house and we'll bring you some dinner in a few minutes, okay?" Sandy offers.

Seth follows Ryan to the pool house. "Ryan?"

"Yeah?" Ryan turns.

"Are you alright? I mean, really?" Seth asks, concerned. 

"No. I'm not. But I'm getting there. I'm going to crash, Seth. I'm really tired," Ryan replies, honestly.

"You promise you're not going to run away again?"

"Yeah. I don't have the energy." Ryan holds the door to the pool house open for Seth. "You coming in?"

"I thought you were going to bed," Seth replies, confused.

"Yeah, but you can hang out until I pass out, if you want," Ryan replies. "I think your parents are coming down with some food anyway, right?"

"Yeah," Seth replies, following him into the pool house.

"And Seth?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks, man. I mean it," Ryan says, quietly, lying down on the bed.

"I'm just glad you're okay," Seth replies. "Ryan?" His friend doesn't reply and Seth realizes that he has fallen asleep. 

Seth closes the door behind a while later, running into his mother. 

"He's sleeping. He fell asleep, like mid-sentence," Seth says, Kirsten turning and walking with him back to the main house.

"Are you okay, Seth?" Kirsten asks, sensing that her son is still upset.

"He was out there two weeks, Mom. Did you look in his eyes? It's like he's not even there. I'm worried about him. Marissa said that he was shaking. Why would he be shaking?" Seth admits.

"He's safe now. We'll take care of him. Sandy's got him an appointment with Dr. Gregson tomorrow to get his arm checked out. He just needs a little time to recover, to get his bearings again. He'll be okay, Seth. You're a good friend to him," Kirsten says.

"Then why couldn't he come to me for help?" Seth replies.

"He did, Seth. It just took him a little time. He accepted your help when he really needed it. It's all going to work out, Seth."

Seth returns to the pool house early the next morning and finds Ryan sleeping in the same position. He sets up his playstation and prepares to keep watch over his exhausted friend.

Sandy comes down around noon and tells Seth to help his mother with lunch. Ryan's doctor appointment is at one and Sandy wants to talk to him first.

Sandy places a hand on Ryan's intact arm, gently but Ryan jolts awake with a gasp, sitting up quickly.

"Ryan, It's me…"

"Mr. Cohen…hey," Ryan recovers.

"I didn't mean to scare you…"

"I'm just jumpy, I guess. Ready to bolt from the cops…sorry, bad joke," Ryan sighs, running a hand through his hair.

"You want to talk about it?" 

"Not really. It's over now," Ryan replies.

"Kirsten and Seth are making you some lunch and you've got a doctor's appointment at one to get your arm checked out," Sandy says, quietly.

"Okay. Thanks."

"Ryan…"

"No, it's okay, Mr. Cohen. I'm just really tired, I'm really okay. It's just going to take me a while to get back to normal," Ryan says before Mr. Cohen can ask anything.

"Normal? What's normal for you, Ryan?"

"Ask me in a week or so and I guess I'll let you know," Ryan replies, calmly. "I'll meet you at the house in a few minutes."

"Ryan. Everything is going to work out, okay?"

"Okay," Ryan replies, standing up and stretching.

Sandy leaves the quiet teenager and goes to the main house. Ryan enters around 20 minutes later, looking only slightly better than the night before. His skin is still pale and Kirsten notices that he is trembling. She doesn't want to embarrass him but glances at Sandy to alert him.

Ryan managed to avoid the meals Marissa and Kirsten tried to make him eat the night before. He hasn't eaten in two days and a wave of nausea assaults him as he forces himself to eat the sandwich that she sets in front of him. 

"Ryan, are you alright?" Sandy asks, seeing a flash of pain on Ryan's face as he puts down his sandwich. 

"Yeah…I'll be right back," Ryan says, bolting for the bathroom, suddenly. The few bites of food had caused his stomach to revolt and he vomits in the toilet. He knew he shouldn't try and eat something solid after having nothing in his stomach for an extended period. He should have told the Cohens but he doesn't want to admit that he has been without food.

"Ryan?" Kirsten calls, worriedly, from outside the bathroom.

Ryan gathers himself and opens the door. "Sorry. I…I haven't eaten in a few days and the food, it made me sick…" He explains, quickly, afraid that if he doesn't start talking to his self-appointed guardians, he never will.

Kirsten accepts his confession with a nod. "Okay. How about some soup? We can start with that, okay?"

Ryan nods. 

"It's okay, Ryan. Thanks for telling me. You have any suggestions on what you want?" Kirsten asks, gently.

"How about some coffee? Or juice, maybe?" Ryan asks, seeing her disapproving look when he mentioned coffee.

"You're probably dehydrated, that's why I frowned on the coffee," Kirsten says, leading him back into the kitchen.

"Everything okay?" Sandy asks, raising his eyebrows.

"Fine," Kirsten says. "Come on, Ryan, let's find you something to eat." She hands him a bottle of fruit juice. Sandy glares at Seth, stopping him from questioning.

"So you get to meet Dr. Gregson today," Sandy announces.

"Should I be worried?" Ryan asks, raising an eyebrow.

"She's our family doctor, you'll like her. She's really pretty," Seth smiles.

"Seth. She's also a great doctor," Kirsten adds. "How about chicken noodle soup?"

"Sounds good," Ryan replies. Kirsten turns away and starts preparing the canned soup for him. 

"Marissa called for you earlier, Ryan. I told her that you'd call her when you woke up," Seth says. 


	2. 2

****

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Wow, thanks for all the reviews, guys! I don't know why this story isn't showing up on the "Just In" page, but I am thankful for all the reviews! This is the next installment, the end is pasted in from another "OC" story I was working on, so I hope it fits! I hope everyone likes this chapter, too!

2nd Author's note: Someone requested a synopsis of the show so here goes: "The O.C." is about a lower class teenager, Ryan Atwood, who gets appointed with a sympathetic public defender, Sandy Cohen. Ryan got busted for trying to steal a car, and at 16, with his first offense, attracts Sandy's attention because of his great test scores and clean record. Anyway, Ryan's mom kicks him out, Sandy takes him in and Ryan makes friends with Sandy's son Seth and their beautiful neighbor, Marissa, both sixteen, too. 

NOWà to the story!

Ryan nods. "Okay. I'll call her when I get back." He sits down with the soup that Kirsten puts in front of him. 

"Ryan, I have to go down to the courthouse and work on some things so Kirsten's going to take you to the doctor."

"That's fine," Ryan replies, quietly. 

"Do you want me to come with you?" Seth asks.

"It's up to you. It shouldn't take too long, I hope, right?" Ryan asks, glancing at Kirsten.

"Why don't you stay here? You hate the doctor's office, Seth and…" Sandy starts. 

"It shouldn't take long, Seth. You guys can hang out when we get back, okay?" Kirsten smiles, reassuringly at Ryan.

"It's cool." Ryan finishes his soup as Kirsten says goodbye to Sandy. Seth sits down beside Ryan.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah," Ryan replies, quietly.

"But…"

"I got sick. I hadn't eaten in a while and the food made me sick. I'm okay," Ryan adds.

"Okay. You sure you don't want me to come with you to the doctor?" Seth whispers.

"It's fine. I'm not really looking forward to it, but it should be fine. Maybe they'll give me some good drugs," Ryan mutters.

"What?"

"It was a joke, Seth," Ryan replies, a slight smile on his face. 

"Oh. Okay," Seth replies, a concerned look on his face.

"I am capable of joking. At least I used to be," Ryan states. 

"You ready, Ryan?" Kirsten asks, reappearing in the kitchen before Seth can respond.

"Yeah."

Kirsten waits patiently in the waiting room for Dr. Gregson to finish examining Ryan. Kirsten had explained Ryan's situation to the doctor, describing his uncertain home-life and his 2 weeks living on the streets. After two hours of waiting, Dr. Gregson walks out with Ryan following, his eyes lowered. 

Ryan's arm is in an air cast supported by a sling around his shoulder.

"He's all yours. Here's some prescriptions that I've given him to help with the pain," The doctor starts, handing Kirsten a stack of prescriptions. "As well as some vitamins and anti-nausea medication. I've also given him some things to think about and discuss with you and Sandy."

"Is there anything else I should know about?" Kirsten asks.

"Ryan is a very intelligent young man. I trust that he'll fill you in. I've made him an appointment for a couple of weeks from now so we can check on how his arm is healing. Take care, guys." The doctor gives Ryan a warm smile before leaving.

"She's nice," Ryan mutters to Kirsten as they stand in line at the pharmacy. 

"Dr. Gregson's great. We've been going to her for years."

"I need to talk to you about a couple of these prescriptions. The ones I'm not going to take. I told the doctor that I didn't need them and she suggested I explain my reasons to you and Mr. Cohen," Ryan says quietly.

"Well, we'll get them all and we can talk about it," Kirsten replies, thoughtfully.

Ryan nods, not meeting her gaze. 

After getting the prescriptions, they start on the way back to the Cohen's house. 

"My arm is broken. You were right," Ryan states quietly from the passenger seat.

"I wish I was wrong. What did you want to talk about with the prescriptions?" Kirsten asks, tentatively. 

Ryan sighs. "She says I'm depressed. Clinically. I think she's wrong. She wants me to take antidepressants."

"You don't want to, though."

"I have a family history of substance abuse and chemical dependency. Yeah, I'm a little down right now, but really…I've had a rough couple of weeks. I don't have a pattern of depression that should signify a problem," Ryan replies.

"Okay. I'll talk to Sandy about it, but I see your point. Are you okay with all this, Ryan?" Kirsten asks, calmly.

"I'm getting there," Ryan replies, quietly. "It's just been a hard couple of weeks. I don't think happy drugs will make it any better."

"Okay, Ryan, that's understandable. I agree with you."

Ryan is silent. He glances at her, his eyes sad. "My uncle, my dad's brother, he went a little nuts once and they prescribed Xanax for him. He was great for a while, working and playing with his kids. Of course, he got used to them and leveled out again after a while. Then he decided that he liked them so much that he would take the whole bottle. I think I'll let my brain balance it's own chemicals if that's okay."

"I'm sorry, Ryan, I had no idea…" Kirsten says, paling.

"No, I'm sorry, Mrs. Cohen, I shouldn't have said anything…" Ryan apologizes, seeing her shocked expression.

"Don't apologize, Ryan. I don't know anything about you or your history. I'm glad you thought you could tell me," Kirsten replies, recovering.

Ryan doesn't meet her eyes. 

"Ryan?"

"Dr. Gregson recommends that I go to therapy," Ryan whispers.

"Why?" Kirsten asks, trying to keep Ryan talking to her.

"It seems she thinks I was abused. She saw some old scars and found some healed fractures on the x-rays and says that if I don't deal with my abusive past that I'll be damaged in the future," Ryan sighs.

"Well? What do you think, Ryan?"

"What do I think?" He asks.

"I mean, you're very intelligent, you just proved that when you were explaining about why you didn't want to take the anti-depressants. You must have an opinion. What do you think about therapy?"

"I'm not a victim, Mrs. Cohen. If I'm a victim of anything, its circumstance," Ryan mutters.

"But you do understand that you're only sixteen years old. You're a kid, Ryan and the people…the people that might have hurt you in the past, they were adults. You do see that there's something not right about that, don't you?"

"Things were different…" Ryan starts.

"Ryan, somebody broke your arm. Can you look me in the eyes and tell me that you deserved it? I might not know your history but I think I've got a pretty good idea of what kind of person you are. You don't deserve that, Ryan," Kirsten interrupts.

"I know. It's just…I'm used to it," Ryan responds. He glances at her, his face flushed. "I'm a fast learner. I stay out of trouble and I don't get hurt. That's the rules I learned at my house. I know it…I know my family life is fucked…I mean, messed up, but I'm still here. The way I look at it, I can either model my actions after the people that brought me up, or I can learn from their mistakes and know what's right and wrong."

"But you have thought about it, haven't you, Ryan?" Kirsten asks, quietly as she parks her car in the driveway.

"Yeah. I've thought about it. I know it's not right. Not normal. I'm used to that, too," Ryan replies.

"Well, I'm sure Seth's waiting for you inside. Are you hungry?" Kirsten asks as they step out of the car. 

"I'll eat something," Ryan replies.

"Okay. Everything's going to work out, Ryan. Our family's not normal, by any means, but I hope that we can make a home for you here."

"Thanks, Mrs. Cohen."

Seth and Ryan make themselves some snacks and end up in the pool house. 

"Marissa called again," Seth mentions as he tosses his discarded food in the garbage.

"Okay. Should I call her?" Ryan asks.

"She said she was going out with Luke and would call you later."

Ryan nods. 

"Ryan?"

"Yeah?"

"What did the doctor say?" Seth asks, quietly.

"My arm's broken. I've got some bruised ribs. I need to eat. Nothing life-changing," Ryan answers.

"Good. I'm glad…I mean, not that your arm is broken…" Seth starts.

"I know. Thanks. I'm going to lie down a while. Dr. Gregson gave me these pills for pain and they're making me tired," Ryan yawns. 

"You mind if…" Seth starts.

"Stay, hang out. I don't mind. I guess…wake me up for dinner," Ryan replies. He lies down. 

Ryan wakes up for dinner but returns to bed immediately afterwards, still exhausted. 

The next morning, Seth goes to the pool house to check on Ryan. There is no answer so Seth steps inside.

"Ryan?"

He hears something and walks over to the bed. Ryan is lying on the edge of the bed with his head and arm hanging off. He looks awful and Seth gasps. His skin is pale and he is shivering. He has pulled up a pail but it's empty.

"Ryan?" Seth gasps.

"Hey," Ryan answers, weakly.

"Ryan…you look like hell."

"Yeah." Ryan's eyes are glazed and glassy. They are rolled back slightly. "I think I'm allergic to the medicine…" Ryan slurs.

"I'll get Mom…"

"No…I'm better now…" Ryan says weakly.

"Ryan, you…I'm getting Mom." Seth disappears, shaken by Ryan's appearance.

"Seth, what is it?" Sandy asks, in the kitchen with Kirsten.

"Ryan…he's sick, he looks awful…" Seth stutters.

"What?" Sandy asks, but Kirsten is already at the door.

"He's sick, he thinks it's the meds…"

Ryan is still in bed when they arrive, too weak to stand. He was sick all night, vomiting and straining his wounded ribs. He had lapsed into unconsciousness but the overwhelming nausea had woken him every time. 

"Ryan, my god…" Kirsten gasps.

"I'm better now, Mrs. Cohen…the medicine…" Ryan's slur startles them all.

"Honey, you should have woken us up…" Kirsten says. Sandy is on the phone.

"I was…I couldn't…" He sighs heavily, a shudder shaking him.

"Ryan. When did you take the medicine last?" Sandy asks.

"Yesterday. Last night after dinner…" Ryan answers.

Kirsten brings him a glass of water. "Sit up, Ryan. Drink this…"

"I can't keep anything down, Mrs. Cohen, I know I'm dehydrated," Ryan says, his words still slurred.

"Ryan? You took the correct dosage, didn't you?" Mr. Cohen asks.

"Yes, sir. I think it was the anti-inflammatory stuff…I've had antacid and Vicodin before…" Ryan mutters. 

"Seth. Go up to the house and get Maria to make up some soup and tea…"

"Mrs. Cohen," Ryan protests.

"You have to eat something…have you been sick a lot?" Sandy asks.

"All night…I can't shake it…I haven't taken anything since yesterday…" Ryan sighs. "Is there any way I can keep away from the hospital?"

Kirsten puts a hand against his pale forehead. "Ryan…"

"They'll just give me more medicine and make me sicker…I'd be alright if I hadn't taken the medicine…" He shudders again. A wave of pain washes over his face as he moves his arm to cover his head.

"The doctor says we should take him off the prescriptions and see if he gets better. What did you eat yesterday, Ryan?" Sandy asks, hanging up the phone.

"Uh…I had the soup yesterday and dinner last night…" Ryan starts.

"You took like, one bite," Sandy says.

"Ryan. You haven't taken any more so you should start feeling better. If you don't want to go back to the hospital…"

"My ribs will heal. No more drugs, please…" Ryan murmurs.

"Sandy, I think he needs a hospital," Kirsten says. She glances at Ryan when he doesn't protest.

"I was speaking with his doctor, Kirsten. He said that it's probably an allergy to the medication but that if he made it through the night to let him…he needs rest, Kirsten," Sandy sighs. "Doctor Gregson said that he's probably dehydrated and to try and get him to drink liquids…"

"I can't keep anything down," Ryan mutters.

"Ryan, you have to try…" Sandy says.

"No hospital?"

"Not yet…" Kirsten replies.

"Then I'll do whatever you want…" Ryan concedes.

"Really?" Sandy asks, surprised. Ryan doesn't answer. He has passed out. 

"He'll be fine, Kirsten," Sandy says, quietly. "He's a tough kid."

Seth returns with soup and various remedies from the housekeeper. Kirsten shakes Ryan gently to try and rouse him, but he is too exhausted. Sandy convinces her to let him sleep. Seth sets up his game system and sits patiently in the pool house keeping watch. 


	3. 3

"Ryan?"

He freezes, startled by Marissa's voice. "Hey." 

"Ryan, you look awful. What..." 

"I had a reaction with one of the medications the doctor gave me." 

"Medications? Are you okay?" Marissa's face is tight with concern. 

"Yeah, I'm okay." Ryan slowly makes his way to the bed, sitting down heavily. 

"You poor thing," Marissa says, sitting down beside him on his rumpled bed. 

"I'm better now. I was really sick for a while. I'm still a little woozy but at least I don't feel like I'm dying." 

Marissa squeezes his hand, reassuringly. "You've had a rough couple of weeks, Ryan. I'm sorry..." 

"It's not your fault." Ryan doesn't meet her eyes, looking out the window instead. 

"You've been one of the only things keeping me going. You and Seth...you're good friends. I don't know if I've ever had those before. It's almost like you guys care or something." 

"I care. I care a lot, Ryan. I don't know what it is, but I worry about you. I know, I know, you're a man or whatever and you can take care of yourself but..." Marissa starts. 

Ryan leans over and kisses her on the cheek, chastely. "Thank you." 

Marissa smiles, surprised. "Is that what you call a thank you?" 

She takes his chin in her hand and turns his face to hers. 

"Ryan, Mom's got dinner...hey, Marissa..." Seth interrupts, speaking as he walks into the pool house. 

"Hey, Seth. I was just came by to check on Ryan," Marissa replies, blushing. 

Ryan is too stunned to speak. 

"You want to stay for dinner?" Seth asks, not closing the door and remaining halfway in and halfway out of the pool house, not sure if he should intrude. 

"I can't, I have to have dinner with my family in a few minutes. I'll come by after dinner. Is that cool, Ryan?" Marissa says, turning to him as she stands up. 

"Sure, it's fine," Seth answers, seeing Ryan's blank look. 

"Great. I'll see you boys later," Marissa grins, squeezing past Seth to exit. 

"Ryan, what did I just interrupt?" Seth asks, mischievously. 

"Nothing. Let me just say that you have really shitty timing," Ryan sighs, standing up and going to the door to follow Seth to dinner. 

"Ryan?" Kirsten follows the teenager into the kitchen after dinner as Ryan takes his plate to the sink. 

"Yes, Mrs. Cohen?" 

You look a lot better, Ryan. How are you feeling?" 

"My appetite's back. I'm a little nauseous but it's not like before, it's just the remnants of the little puke-fest I had last night. Sorry, that's a little crude..." 

"It's okay, I'm used to it with Seth and Sandy around," Kirsten smiles. "I'm glad you're feeling better." 

"Me, too. I think I'll be good as new by tomorrow, well, aside from the broken bones," Ryan smiles, slightly. 

"Sandy got a phone call today. From your father." 

"My dad? He's in jail, how would he..." Ryan starts, confused. 

"Your brother apparently wrote your father after a phone call from your mother. He wanted to know where you were. He was worried about you," Kirsten says, quietly. 

Ryan snorts. "I haven't talked to my father in years, Mrs. Cohen, I doubt that's what it is." 

"You haven't talked to him in years?" Kirsten asks, startled. 

Sandy enters, hearing his wife's question. 

"No. Not since he went to serve his time," Ryan says, nodding to Sandy. 

"He was concerned about you, Ryan. He says that he's been keeping updated on you and your brother through your mother. He also said...he said you were with him when he committed the armed robbery that got him arrested. Is that true?" Sandy asks. 

"Sure, I was there. I was a kid...he told me to stay in the truck and wait for him. So I did. But instead of him coming back for me, the cops did," Ryan shrugs. 

"But you didn't see anything?" Sandy probes. 

Ryan shrugs. "It was a long time ago." 

"Ryan..." 

"He shot some guy in the shoulder, so what? I'd seen worse shit...stuff than that at that age. Dad might think that he scarred me for life or something, but believe me; I was already scarred by that point. What did you tell him?" Ryan asks, flushing at his unintentional revelations. 

"I told him that you were in our temporary custody. He asked to see you," Sandy admits. 

"No. I'll go see Trey, if he ever asks, but not my father. It's been too long." Ryan states. 

"He's your father, Ryan..." Kirsten starts. 

"I'll go if you make me go, but I have nothing to say to him. He's my dad, he should have stayed in contact with me if he really gave a shit," Ryan mutters. 

"He's in jail, he thought you'd never forgive him..." Sandy starts. 

"Whatever," Ryan snorts. "He's my father, I'd love him no matter what. He knew that, I'd seen him commit worse crimes before he got busted. I don't want to see him. Tell him to look me up when he gets out of stripes." 

"Are you sure?" Sandy asks, after a pause. 

"Yeah. If you and Mrs. Cohen really want me to go, I'll do it for you, but if it's up to me, I don't want to see him. As far as I'm concerned, I have no family," Ryan says, quietly as Seth enters. 

"What's going on?" Seth asks, sensing the tension. 

"Nothing, honey, we just needed to talk to Ryan," Kirsten smiles. 

"Well, let me know if you change your mind," Sandy nods, startled by Ryan's adamant opinion. 

"What was that all about, Ryan?" Seth asks, sitting down on the couch in the pool house. 

"My dad called your dad. Says he wants to see me," Ryan answers, his voice flat. Marissa steps inside with a wave and sits down beside Seth. Ryan has his back to them, taking the sling off his shoulder. 

"Your dad that's in jail?" Seth asks, ignoring Marissa's concerned glance. 

"Yeah. Hey, Marissa," Ryan says, hiding his surprise as he turns around. 

"What's going on? Your dad wants to see you?" Marissa asks. 

"Yeah," Ryan answers. 

"Are you going to go see him?" Seth asks. 

"No." 

Marissa slides closer to Seth to allow Ryan to sit beside her. "What's the deal with it, Ryan? I thought you hadn't talked to him in forever." 

"I haven't. I haven't talked to him since he left for prison," Ryan responds. 

"What do you think he wants?" Seth questions. 

Ryan doesn't know why, but he suddenly needs to hear what Marissa and Seth have to say about his father. He realizes that they aren't asking him out of pity or fake concern, but that they might really care about him. He trusts their opinion. 

"I don't know. Mr. Cohen says that he's always kept himself updated on how Trey and I were doing. I think that's bullshit. I think that maybe my mom called him or something and he freaked out of something. I...I just can't believe that he gives a shit about me. It makes it easier to think that he doesn't care." 

"Maybe he was ashamed, of being in jail and all," Seth offers. 

"Let me tell you guys about my dad. He's in jail for robbing a convenience store. He pulled up to the store and told me to wait in the car. He'd been on a coke binge for about a week and a half, he'd kicked mom out of the house, her and trey were staying with my mom's boyfriend at the time. Dad walked in and pulled out his gun and asked for all the money. The kid behind the counter, he must have been about eighteen, the kid didn't move. So dad shot him in the shoulder. He didn't hesitate. The cops came a few minutes afterwards and my dad still had his hands in the register, gathering up the change. So, to me, having him in jail doesn't make me ashamed." 

"I think that's the most I've ever heard you say at one time," Seth whispers quietly. Ryan smiles as Marissa punches Seth, playfully. 

"So you're saying you're not ashamed of him for being in jail, you're ashamed of him being a...criminal?" Marissa asks, serious again. 

"Yeah. Sort of. He's just an asshole. He never gave a shit about me or Trey. I mean, we never had Christmas, we never had birthdays..." Ryan mutters, leaning back and covering his face. 

"You didn't have Christmas?" Seth asks, after a beat. 

Ryan is silent. 

"Ryan?" 

"Trey and I would always drink a forty, if you can believe that. Yes, I'm that ghetto," Ryan smiles, glancing at Marissa and Seth. Ryan starts to laugh. 

Marissa and Seth don't know why their friend is laughing but they join him. They have never heard him laughing with such pure enthusiasm but it's infectious. 

"Should I buy you a forty ounce for Christmas?" Seth laughs. 

"Miller High Life or Old English?" Marissa chokes. 

"Always the O.E," Ryan replies. 

Kirsten and Sandy are walking toward the pool house and they pause, hearing the laughter. 

"Is that..." Sandy begins. 

"Ryan?" Kirsten finishes. "Ryan's laughing..." 

"I think Marissa's in there with them," Sandy comments, putting an arm around Kirsten. 

"The three of them make an interesting group. But they seem to be having a good time," Kirsten smiles, pulling Sandy toward the main house. "I think they're good for each other. When they're not burning things down," She adds. 

In the pool house, the three friends are finally recovered enough to catch their breath. 

"I'm sorry guys, but when the words came out of my mouth, I was like, I bet you guys have never even drank a forty before," Ryan laughs. 

"Fuck you, Ryan, we're not aliens, of course we drink forties," Marissa scoffs. 

"But you have to admit it's pretty funny," Ryan smiles. 

"I don't know how funny it is, but it's good to see that you can laugh like that about it," Seth replies, seriously. 

"Shit, man, you just have to learn to roll with the punches, try and land on your feet," Ryan remarks. "Don't dwell on the past, just keep looking ahead." Ryan stops speaking. "I guess I forgot all that lately, though. I lost my head for a while." 

"Damn, Ryan, I think you did pretty damn good except for the little runaway thing. How were you supposed to know your mom was going to walk out again?" Seth asks. 

"Because I knew she would. I could just see it in her eyes. There was nothing...there was nothing in them," Ryan replies, quietly. 

"Ryan, I'm sure...I'm sure your mother loved you," Marissa says. 

"That's what you guys don't understand. There are people out there that are incapable of love. They don't understand the concept. You guys...I mean, you've got to admit that you have pretty good lives...but you've never seen just...pure indifference. People that just don't care," Ryan says, quietly. 

"You're underestimating us again, Ryan," Seth replies. "I might not have experienced it first-hand but I know people that have no conscience, that are dead inside." 

"Me, too. Cold-hearted. You can't call it cruelty because they have no concept of emotion," Marissa continues. 

"Yeah. That's my mom. You guys are dead on. I wasn't underestimating you, I was hoping that you'd never felt it." 

"I'm sorry about your mom," Marissa says. 

"It's cool. I just need to...it's like the last few weeks, I've been so stressed out, so out of control and now when I finally have a chance to chill out and catch my breath..." Ryan struggles to explain. "I just can't stop waiting for the other shoe to drop. It's like, what's next." 

"You're home, Ryan," Marissa says, suddenly. "Don't you feel it? I don't mean with the Cohens..." "She means that you have a family now," Seth adds. 

"What?" Ryan asks. 

"Let's make an agreement," Marissa announces. 

"I disagree already," Seth sighs. 

"Stop it! Let's make an agreement that you'll talk to somebody before you hit the streets again," Marissa turns serious. 

"Cool. Hopefully, I won't have to take off again," Ryan sighs. 

"Damn straight," Seth agrees. 

"Cool," Marissa smiles. 

Ryan yawns suddenly, exhaustion taking his strength in an instant. 

"You want us to go?" Marissa asks, concerned. 

"No, stay...I'm just going to take a little nap..." Ryan falls asleep mid-sentence, his head resting against the corner of the couch. 

"Damn, Marissa, you sure have a way with the guys, you knock them right out," Seth jokes. Marissa punches Seth, playfully. Seth stays in the pool house, playing Playstation with Marissa until she falls asleep, sitting up beside Ryan. 

Ryan wakes up with his arms curled around Marissa protectively, her head nestled by his collarbone, her breath on his neck. 

"Ryan..." Marissa senses that he's awake and mumbles his name. 

"Do you need to go home, Marissa?" Ryan whispers. 

"Nah, I'm at a sleepover at Summer's...I just decided that I would rather hang out with you...make sure you were really okay," Marissa yawns, disentangling from him and sitting up. 

"I'm sorry to wake you, I just didn't want you to get in trouble," Ryan says. 

"Sure, like you didn't wake me up for something else," Marissa smiles, mischievously. 

"What..." Ryan starts, but can't finish his question because of her lips pressed against his. 

They lose the next few moments as they explore each other's mouth. 

Marissa takes Ryan's face in her hands and kisses him, desperately. 

"Marissa..." Ryan pulls away a few minutes later. 

"Oh god...I'm sorry," Marissa puts her hand over her mouth. 

"No, it's my fault..." Ryan stammers. "I just lost control for a minute..." 

"Me, too...but...can we just forget about all that?"Marissa asks. 

"If..." 

"Can we forget about Luke and everything? Just for a while? I..." She gives him a shy glance. "I just like the way you taste..." 

Ryan doesn't know how to respond. So he doesn't answer. He just pulls her close to him and kisses her softly. "No regrets, okay?" 

"No regrets, Ryan. Not with you...You're special...I mean...I feel like I...like I belong to you...and you belong to me...and Seth...something just clicks when I'm around you...you make things make sense Ryan, when nothing makes sense...you make that okay," Marissa explains, quietly. "So I don't care about Luke right now, I Just...you're okay…and that means a lot." 

"I'm okay, Marissa. We'll all be okay. Okay?" Ryan whispers, kissing her neck, impulsively. Ryan and Marissa wake up the next morning with the flash of a camera. Seth is standing over them with a camera in his hand. 

"Oh my god, Cohen! I'm going to kill you!" Marissa gasps, tackling him and tickling him mercilessly. Ryan manages to grab the camera from Seth's flailing hand and pulls the Polaroid from the camera and stuffing it in his pocket. He spots Sandy's shadow on the way to the pool house. 

"Parent alert," Ryan mutters, quietly, but Marissa and Ryan hear him and freeze. Ryan tosses pillows on the floor suddenly, and Seth starts to cover Marissa with the large pillows. 

"Ryan? Morning, Ryan. Seth," Sandy smiles, opening the door. 

"Good morning Mr. Cohen," Ryan says, calmly. Seth and Ryan both stand in front of the large mound of pillows on the floor covering Marissa. 

"We're making real breakfast so you boys come on up when you're ready," Sandy says, turning away. "Thanks. We'll be up in a few minutes," Ryan nods. 

"Okay." Sandy smiles, suspicious, but he turns away, leaving them. 

"I can't breathe," Marissa says, suddenly. 

"You're a mean dude," Ryan scolds Ryan. 

After breakfast, Ryan finds Sandy in the den, studying some files. 

"Mr. Cohen?" 

"Yeah, Ryan?" Sandy answers, looking up. 

"If you have some free time one day, I guess...I guess I can talk to my father," Ryan says, quietly. 

"Really? What changed your mind?" Sandy asks, surprised. 

"I just...I had a talk with Seth and Marissa. I mean...everybody deserves a chance, right? Maybe it'll make him do a better job once he gets out," Ryan says. 

"Well, I'll call the prison and see...I'll let you know when I get it set up." 

Sandy manages to contact Ryan's father and set up a visit with the prison for that afternoon. Ryan finds himself alone with Mr. Cohen on the ride up. 

"So Ryan, you seem to be settling in." 

"Yes, sir." 

"Kirsten mentioned to me that you told you a little about your family." 

"Yes, sir. I told her about my uncle who died a few years back." 

Sandy nods, silently. 

Ryan glances at him and feels like the older man is waiting for him to continue but he doesn't know what to say. 

"When you were talking about your father the other day...you mentioned that you saw your father shoot a man. But you said that you had seen worse things...what did you mean?" 

Ryan shrugs, uncomfortable. "I don't know..." 

"I'm just curious," Sandy replies. 

Ryan is quiet for a moment. "I've seen some things. I've watched people die. I've seen people shoot up drugs and then just fall over, dead. I was in a car accident with one of my mother's boyfriend's once and I was trapped in the car for a while. I was with him when he died..." 

"In the car?" Sandy gasps, stunned. 

"Yeah, he flipped it down this embankment and we were upside down, strapped in. Something, like, impaled him and he bled to death while the firemen were trying to get us out. I was ten, then. It was a long time ago," Ryan replies. 

"I'm...I don't know what to say, Ryan. I'm sorry," Sandy states. 

"It's okay," Ryan says. 

The car is silent for a while. 

"Seth's a good kid. It seems like you're worried about him because he's not popular or anything, but it's because you raised him to be his own person." 

"Seth..." 

"He's going to be okay. He's got his problems, it's like, hard for him to talk to people, he gets so nervous, but he's...he's like comfortable with himself and that's...it's really important," Ryan interrupts. "He's been a really good friend to me." 

"I'm glad. And thanks for saying something," Sandy nods. 

The car lapses into silence again. 

"Are you nervous about seeing him?" Sandy asks. 

"Yeah. I wonder what he's going to say. I mean...it's been a long time since I let myself think about him," Ryan replies. 

"I'm sure everything will be fine," Sandy says, calmly. 

"I'm not going to let him upset me," Ryan states. 

"I'm sure he's not trying to upset you, Ryan. He sounded...really glad to hear that you were coming." 

"You don't know my father, Mr. Cohen."


	4. 4

__

Sandy remains in the waiting room at the prison, letting Ryan go into the booth alone to speak with his father.

Ryan sits down in the narrow booth and picks up the phone and sets it on the counter in front of him. A few moments later, he recognizes a thinner version of his father sitting across from him.

His father's eyes are the same shade as his own and as they examine him, steadily, Ryan is unnerved. His father picks up the phone.

"Hello, Ryan. You've gotten big."

Ryan hears the words from the earpiece as it is lying on the table. He lifts the phone to his ear. "Hey."

"God, son, it's damn good to see you," His father laughs.

Ryan flinches at his words. "Thanks."

Mr. Atwood loses his smiles, sensing the tension. "You didn't want to see me, did you?"

"I'm here, aren't I?" Ryan counters.

"I heard about your mother. She always was a selfish bit…" He starts, but stops mid-word after seeing the flash of defense in his son's eyes.

"It doesn't matter now," Ryan replies after a pause. 

"She'll come around, son…" Mr. Atwood starts.

"Don't call me that. You never called me that before and I don't think you should start now," Ryan replies, quietly.

Mr. Atwood nods, solemnly. "What happened to your arm?" 

"Big guy," Ryan replies, flatly.

"Your lawyer says that you were doing well in school…that's good. You're such a smart kid…"

"I'm sorry, but how would you know?" Ryan interrupts, suddenly, regretting that he made the trip. "I haven't heard anything out of you since you started serving your time in this place. I thought I could listen to what you had to say but…"

"Ryan. I just wanted to see you."

"Well, here I am. I'm sixteen, I'm beat-up and I spent the last two weeks living on the streets because my mom left me for the second time in a month. You've seen me," Ryan snaps, standing up.

"Ryan, wait. Please," Mr. Atwood calls, stricken by his son's words.

Ryan steadies himself, hangs up the phone and gives his father a farewell wave before stepping out into the waiting room to meet Mr. Cohen.

"Ryan? That was fast…" Sandy speaks, concerned.

"Can we just go now?" Ryan asks, keeping his face blank.

Mr. Cohen can see the pain in his eyes. "Ryan…"

"Please?" Ryan asks, not meeting his gaze.

"Okay, that's fine. Let's go," Sandy agrees. They sign out of the prison. Sandy's cell phone rings as they reach the car and he steps away to take the business call.

Ryan crouches on the balls of his feet, his back pressed against Sandy's car and lights a cigarette. He hopes that Sandy will be too focused on his call to scold him. Ryan closes his eyes as he inhales the tobacco smoke. He lost it. He couldn't control his emotions long enough to hear what his father had to say. The emotions, the resentment and the pent-up anger toward his father that he thought he had let go of years ago, all that came back to the surface when he heard his father's voice. He should have tried harder. Ryan knows how to keep his emotions in check, so what happened today? Is he like his mother, having no concern for other people's feelings? Why would he let himself cause his father pain…why couldn't he give his father a second chance?

"Ryan?" Mr. Cohen's voice startles him. Ryan stands up, suddenly alert. Sandy is standing beside him, a worried expression on his face. 

"Yeah?"

"You wouldn't answer me. You didn't even realize that I was here. Are you alright?"

"I must have spaced out for a minute. I'm fine. Are you ready?" Ryan recovers, steadying himself.

Sandy glances at him, unconvinced. "You're shaking again, Ryan. What happened in there?"

"Nothing. It's alright, I just wasn't prepared for it. I just want to get out of here."

Sandy nods, unlocking the doors to his car with his remote. Ryan takes a desperate drag off the cigarette and then tosses it into the parking lot. 

Once Sandy is inside the car, he turns to question Ryan again but Ryan has his hand across his face, covering his eyes.

"Ryan?" Sandy calls.

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry I encouraged you to see him…"

"It was my decision. I just…I wasn't as ready as I thought I was. I'm cool. It's cool," Ryan says, quietly, his voice flat. They ride home in silence. Sandy doesn't even catch a glimpse of Ryan's haunted blue eyes until they pull up to the house.

"Mr. Cohen, can you do me a favor?" Ryan asks, suddenly.

"Sure," Sandy replies.

"Can you tell Seth that I'm tired and that I'll see him later? I just want to go crash…" Ryan sighs.

"Sure. We'll come down and wake you for dinner…" Sandy nods.

"That's okay. I'll come up and get something…I just…" Ryan waves his hand, his mind working too furiously for him to take the time to explain. He walks away quickly before Sandy can stop him.

Kirsten meets Sandy on the porch. "Where's Ryan?"

"He went down to the pool house. It didn't go so well with his father," Sandy explains quietly. He kisses her on the cheek.

"What happened?"

"He wouldn't tell me, but whatever it was shook him up pretty good," Sandy states. He follows Kirsten into the house and finds Seth in the kitchen.

"Seth, Ryan's a little tired. He said he was going to lie down a while and he'd be up later when he felt better," Sandy tells his son.

"What happened at the jail?" Seth asks immediately.

"It went smoothly, it just took a lot out of him. He's fine," Sandy assures Seth and Kirsten.

Ryan pulls off his sling, ignoring the piercing pain in his arm and ribs that comes with his roughness. He slides down the wall beside the bed, his face in his hands. He has to calm down. He can't catch his breath. Everything goes dark for a minute and he loses his tentative hold on reality, swirling into darkness.

"Ryan. Ryan, snap out of it, baby…"

Marissa. Her voice breaks through his spiral, pulling him back to reality.

"Ryan?"

Ryan feels dampness on his face and realizes that she is crying. "Marissa, what…"

"Thank god…" She embraces him tightly and he gasps as she squeezes his wounded ribs. "What's going on? What's happened?"

"Nothing, Marissa…why are you crying?"

"I came over to check on you and found you over here in the corner, you were hyperventilating or something, you were breathing really fast and your heart was just pounding and you wouldn't answer me…" Marissa rambles, panicked.

"I'm sorry that I scared you…I don't know what happened, I just…I lost it for a minute…" Ryan says, his eyes glazing slightly.

"But you're okay? You're not allergic or anything?" Marissa asks.

"This is all in my head," Ryan confesses. "I feel like I'm going to explode…I can't make sense of anything…"

"You're so stressed out, Ryan, you're shaking…" Marissa rubs his arms as if trying to warm him up. "You need to chill out."

"Any suggestions?" Ryan snorts, pulling his knees up to his chest.

"Come on. Put your sling on. I'll call the Cohens with an excuse for you. Let me take you somewhere."

Ryan doesn't argue as she pulls him to his feet with his intact arm and helps him replace the sling. She grabs a jacket for him and as an afterthought, a sweatshirt for herself. They tiptoe from the pool house and sneaks Marissa's parents' truck from the driveway. 

"Where are we going?" Ryan asks, speaking for the first time since the pool house.

"The beach, of course. We are in California, you know," Marissa smiles.

Ryan has never seen a place as beautiful as the secluded beach that Marissa leads him to. They sit down on the mossy rocks and Marissa reveals a bottle of vodka. They sit and watch the waves crash against the rocks and cough as they gulp the harsh liquor.

"Thanks, Marissa," Ryan says, finally.

She puts an arm around him, pulling him against her. "Feel better?"

"Yeah. The fog's lifting from my brain a little. I feel like I can breathe again," Ryan replies.

"You went to see your dad, didn't you?" Marissa asks, quietly.

"Yeah. I punked out, though. I couldn't…as soon as I saw him, I remembered why I can't forgive him…" Ryan responds, his voice a whisper.

"You just have to let it go, Ryan. You've got to let go of all of that…" Marissa soothes, planting a vodka scented kiss on his chin. 

He closes his eyes and lets himself taste Marissa.

Ryan pulls away after a few seconds. 

"What?" Marissa asks.

"I can't handle this right now, can you…can you take me back?" Ryan asks, getting to his feet.

"Ryan, I'm sorry…what…"

Ryan has his back to her. "You're with Luke, Marissa. I can't just…do this with you and forget about it as soon as I see you out on the town. It means more to me than that."

"I was…Ryan…" Marissa doesn't know what to say.

"I'm sorry, Marissa, it's just more than I can deal with right now…" Ryan mutters, covering his face again.

"Okay, Ryan, just calm down and I'll take you home," Marissa says. Sensing Ryan's anxiety.

"It's just been a long day, Marissa, and this…whatever this is that we're doing…it's not good for us," Ryan leans against her truck, trembling with his back against the metal.

"I'm sorry, Ryan. I shouldn't have done that…I brought you here to calm you down, not stress you out more…I'm sorry…" She unlocks the door.

Ryan perches on the edge of the seat, not closing the door. He takes Marissa's hands, tenderly.

"I'm sorry, Marissa…I'm just…I'm so fucked up right now that I don't know what I'm doing…I'm so fucked up…" He breathes, heavily. Marissa pulls him against her, holding him desperately, trying to calm him.

"Shh, Ryan…Its okay to be fucked up sometimes, it's okay…shh…" She soothes, running her fingertips through his hair.

"Will you just sit with me a while?" Ryan asks. Marissa grabs a blanket from the backseat and leads Ryan back to the beach. She sits down beside him, putting an arm around his shoulders, holding him against her. 

Ryan's breathing is shallow and his eyes are glazes. He feels like he's lost control of everything, his future, his family and now his emotions. His father's pitying eyes, Marissa's hot kisses, Kirsten's concerned questions, all these visions flash through his mind. He can hear Marissa's soothing voice and feel her skin against him but he can't find his voice.

"Ryan, baby, look at me okay? Just let me know you're alright," Marissa urges.

"Will you just talk to me? Tell me a story, something…just talk to me, Marissa," Ryan mutters, shuddering despite himself. He finishes the vodka.

"Okay, Ryan…" Marissa just wants him to stop shaking and be okay. She starts to talk quietly about the cheerleading squad that she tried out for the year before.

Ryan's mind races, finally coming to a complete stop on Marissa. Her voice has calmed him and his mind is clear. He looks up at her. she is cradling his head in her lap, supporting his body with her thin legs. She is stroking his face affectionately and speaking to him quietly. He reaches up and pulls her lips against his.

"Thank you," He says before ravishing her mouth. He's beyond control now, he's resigned to his fate. 

"You're feeling better," Marissa smiles, relieved.

"Yeah. Are you sure you want to do this?" Ryan asks, between kisses.

"Are you?" Marissa counters, nuzzling his neck.

"It's just between us, okay? I know you're with Luke…" Ryan starts, and she pulls away.

"Ryan…" She sighs, clearly torn.

"It's okay. I'm not asking for anything…but you just, you pulled me back from the edge and you're…you're so beautiful…" Ryan says, running his fingers across her neck.

Marissa forgets about Luke when she looks in his haunted eyes she kisses him and they become tangled in each other's arms and legs.

When Marissa sits up later, it's dark. Ryan is sleeping, peacefully beside her. They had managed to control themselves but there are clothes scattered across the beach. She realizes that she forgot to call the Cohens.

She walks away from Ryan to keep from disturbing him and checks her messages. There is a call from Seth saying that Ryan is missing and that he had lied to his father and said that Ryan was with her. Seth sounded very worried, but remembered the agreement that Ryan would tell someone before he ran off again. Marissa dials Seth.

"Hello?"

"Seth, its Marissa."

"Is Ryan with you? Is he okay?"

"I stopped by your house today and he was pretty messed up. He's with me, he's sleeping."

"Thank god. I told my dad that you took him sailing to try and cheer him up," Seth explains.

"I'll get him home, Seth. You want to meet us in the pool house in about an hour? I don't care what he says, I don't think he should be alone. He's really shaken up, Seth."

Marissa returns to Ryan's side, sitting down beside him and looking out at the waves.

"I think I'm rubbing off on you," Ryan speaks, suddenly, watching her from the sand.

"Is that a good thing?" Marissa grins.

"I don't think so. You shouldn't worry about me. I'm okay. Really, Marissa. I'm okay," Ryan says, sitting up and putting his good arm around her shoulders. 

"Really?" Marissa asks, unconvinced.

"Really. That you for tonight. I mean it," Ryan smiles. "You're a good friend."

"I'm sure you'd do the same for me," Marissa smiles, grateful to see him closer to normal.

"I hope I never have to," Ryan replies, somber now. "But you know that I'll be there for you."

"You ready to head back?" Marissa asks.

"Not really, but I don't have much choice." He staggers slightly from the alcohol as he stands up. Marissa grabs his arm to steady him and she pulls him against her, impulsively.

She kisses him deeply, indulging herself one more time before taking him home. 

*********


End file.
